Tag: Writing tips

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Writing Within Different Styles Part 1 (Repost – additions and corrections)

Writing Within Different Styles (Part 1)

Little writing is more stilted or conforming to its trade than legal writing.

Anything submitted to the court must sound legal, just as the IRS tax Code must sound like all that previously written in the Code.

Opinions rendered by the court start with a recitation of the facts. We see that in movies when a law professor calls on a student to answer questions about a case. In this video, the actor John Houseman states the facts of a case for an unprepared student.

Details can be very vague when facts are first presented, completely unlike how you start a newspaper article. There, you are solidly in the world of Who, What, Why, Where, When and How. And brevity — a strong opening in a newspaper article answers the five “Ws” and “H” in two or three short sentences.

Given that you have few enriching details to work with in initially describing the facts in an opinion, clarity and presenting a straightforward sequence of events becomes paramount. I cannot stress how important timelines are to the law. Every lawyer starts with developing a timeline and everything comes back to that timeline. Also, by getting the facts in the right order, we begin to get our thoughts in order.

The brilliant Jurist Benjamin Cardozo writes here for the majority of the New York Court of Appeals in the landmark 1928 case, Palsgraf v. Long Island Railroad Company. (Cite omitted.) This is clarity and sequence at its best. Cardozo is helped along with a fun mix of facts that include fireworks, a train, and a falling scale.

“Plaintiff was standing on a platform of defendant’s railroad after buying a ticket to go to Rockaway Beach. A train stopped at the station, bound for another place. Two men ran forward to catch it. One of the men reached the platform of the car without mishap, though the train was already moving. The other man, carrying a package, jumped aboard the car, but seemed unsteady as if about to fall. A guard on the car, who had held the door open, reached forward to help him in, and another guard on the platform pushed him from behind. In this act, the package was dislodged, and fell upon the rails. . . . ”

This shouldn’t be confused with an executive summary in business writing. Facts are disclosed there but also conclusions. Not in the law. Not yet. Asking a lawyer or student to summarize a case is different than asking to cite the case facts. Back to Cardozo’s writing.

“. . . It was a package of small size, about fifteen inches long, and was covered by a newspaper. In fact it contained fireworks, but there was nothing in its appearance to give notice of its contents. The fireworks when they fell exploded. The shock of the explosion threw down some scales at the other end of the platform, many feet away. The scales struck the plaintiff, causing injuries for which she sues.”

Declarative writing is also essential in legal writing. State something positively if you are positive on the facts. Or, mostly positive. Advocacy does not belong to the meek.

“We believe John took the car.”

No. If you want to believe, go to church. But never use believe in the law.

“We think John took the car.”

No. Think on your own time.

“John took the car.”

Damn right he did.

More later . . .

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Thoughts on writing Uncategorized Writing tips

If I Had More Time I Would Write You A Shorter Letter

The paragraph in quotes is entirely serviceable. Given time to edit, however, it can be more dynamic and easier to read.

In revising I cut the word count from 76 to 59. This takes it from the 12th grade level to the 9th. If you apply such revising to a page of paragraphs you will certainly quicken your writing. My revisions are in red:

“An offer in compromise is a program that enables you to resolve your tax debt for an amount less than what is owed through a lump sum or short term payment plan. Simply put, an OIC provides you the opportunity to pay a lower amount as your full and final payment, potentially saving you thousands of dollars in taxes, interest, and penalties. Note, however, that most taxpayers do not qualify for the offer in compromise program.”

An offer in compromise is a program

The offer in compromise program

that enables you to

may

resolve your tax debt for an amount less

resolve your tax debt for less

than what is owed through a lump sum or short term payment plan.

than what’s owed through a lump sum or short term payment plan.

Simply put, an OIC provides you the opportunity to

Simply put, an OIC lets you

pay a lower amount as your full and final payment,

pay less for your full and final payment,

potentially saving you thousands of dollars in taxes, interest, and penalties.

potentially saving you thousands in taxes, interest, and penalties.

Note, however, that most taxpayers do not qualify for the offer in compromise program.

Most taxpayers, however, do not qualify for the offer in compromise program.

Final revision:

The offer in compromise program may resolve your tax debt for less than what’s owed through a lump sum or short term payment plan. Simply put, an OIC lets you pay less for your full and final payment, potentially saving you thousands in taxes, interest, and penalties. Most taxpayers, however, do not qualify for the offer in compromise program.

If you had time you could consider a complete rewrite. Here’s how I write:

Try resolving your tax debt for less with the offer in compromise program. That’s compared to a lump sum or short term payment plan. You pay less with an OIC for your full and final payment. You could save thousands in taxes, interest and penalties. Unfortunately,  most taxpayers don’t qualify for the offer in compromise program.

(The paragraph is now at the 6th grade level. Which is a good thing.)

copyediting

 

 

 

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Thoughts on writing Uncategorized Writing tips

More on Deleting Commas

Adding or deleting commas is a good way to vary your writing. I’ve written on this before. (internal link)  First drafts have too many commas. Revise. Be aware, though, of any change in emphasis (see below). Remember, too, that despite our desire to add or remove a comma, the first responsibility of a sentence is to make sense.

Before:

Once in office, Trump can quickly alter his Supreme Court agenda.

After:

Trump can quickly alter his Supreme Court agenda once in office.

Note the last word in the first sentence is agenda. And in the revised sentence the last word is office. You may elect to keep a comma if you think a particular word must be emphasized or used last.

More examples:

Later Sunday afternoon, demonstrators planned to assemble at Oakland’s Lake Merritt.

Demonstrators planned to assemble at Oakland’s Lake Merritt late Sunday afternoon.

In San Francisco, about 150 protesters congregated Saturday afternoon outside the Civic Center BART Station . . .

About 150 protesters in San Francisco congregated Saturday afternoon outside the Civic Center BART Station . . .

As participants assembled to march, a man walked by and jeered.

A man walked by and jeered as participants assembled to march.

Friday night in Oakland, about 100 people marching through downtown were monitored by police in riot gear.

About 100 people marching through downtown Oakland Friday night were monitored by police in riot gear.

comma

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Uncategorized Writing tips

Vary Your Writing By Deleting or Adding Commas

Vary your writing by deleting or adding commas and rearranging sentences:

On his way to find gold, Yosemite Sam found tungsten.

Yosemite Sam found tungsten on his way to find gold.

Since we couldn’t find our way back, we decided to take another path.

We decided to take another path since we couldn’t find our way back.

While I was eating, the cat scratched at the door.

The cat scratched at the door while I was eating.

Because her alarm clock was broken, she was late for class.

She was late for class because her alarm clock was broken.

If you are ill, you ought to see a doctor.

You ought to see a doctor if you are ill.

When the snow stops falling, we’ll shovel the driveway.

We’ll shovel the driveway when the snow stops falling.

Comma_Final

 

 

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Thoughts on writing Writing tips

Plan a Beginning, Middle, and End

Rudolph Flesch suggested we plan a beginning, middle, and end. Sound advice.

The lead sentence should lead the reader in. The beginning paragraph should introduce the subject or subjects. Succeeding paragraphs should illuminate those subjects. An ending should wrap up the topic just discussed.

A lead sentence should be snappy and to the point.

“I don’t like peanut butter and jelly, I love it.”

The lead paragraph gets us ready for the individual points to be discussed. A quote is often helpful.

“I don’t like peanut butter and jelly, I love it. James Garfield once said ‘Man cannot live by bread alone; he must have peanut butter.’ Aside from neglecting admiration for jelly, I heartily agree with the president’s remarks. In this article we’ll look at the roles that bread, jelly, and peanut butter play in forming this quintessential American sandwich.”

Next:

  • A paragraph or two on bread.
  • A paragraph or two on jelly.
  • A paragraph or two on peanut butter.
  • A paragraph or two on making the sandwich.

A concluding paragraph summarizes or pulls together the different elements of the essay. Adding a quote can help. Look for an appropriate one before writing the ending, so you can better shape your last paragraph. I see potential in this Anna D. Shapiro quotation:

“Everyone has the talent to some degree: even making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, you know whether it tastes better to you with raspberry jam or grape jelly; on chewy pumpernickel or white toast.”

The ending is the second most important paragraph in an article. (The lead is the most important because you have to get the reader to read.) Without a proper ending you’ll leave readers dangling. If you can hook your last paragraph to the beginning, make it echo, very good. In my case here, I’ll leave you with another quote from Flesch. “Say what you have to say, then stop.”

Flesch-136-79-54