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And So it Goes

Speaker 1

Speaker 1
Hello, aloha and mahalo. It is Monday, September 11, day of remembrance for all of us.

Speaker 1
My name is Thomas Farley, F-A-R-L-E-Y-I have a friend who is is dying and he has been dying for many years, but it is certainly the end of the line.

Speaker 1
It will be the end of the line very soon for him, it seems, unless there’s some miraculous intervention from beyond science.

Speaker 1
I and he’s a good man. He doesn’t deserve to die, die poorly like this. I would not trade places with him. I envy him, though, in a way, with the enormous amount of resources that he’s been able to get to apply to his condition. He has a physical disease.

Speaker 1
He has a number of things wrong with them, but they are in the end, all physical.

Speaker 1
He’s had good insurance with Kaiser and I’m sure some of his own money. Similarly, I’ve had good insurance plans and money and I’m actually paid out of pocket for nearly all of my mental health treatment because compared with physical diseases, you cannot get seen by a doctor routinely enough to do any good in mental health. For a psychiatrist. Well, he has Kaiser. I think under Kaiser, probably you wouldn’t be able to see a doctor psychiatrist more than once every couple of months.

Speaker 1
Instead, you’re kicked down to therapists and technicians. So I’ve always paid out of pocket for regular psychiatric treatment.

Speaker 1
So that’s one big difference between mental health and physical health. Another is that routinely, for years now, most of the major insurance companies have provided a 24 hours nurse talk line so that you can talk to a nurse at any time of day except that. And I’ve talked to these nurses on these health lines before. They say they’ve never, ever had a psych nurse assigned to one of these 24 hours help lines. They could have a psych nurse, a telephone line in addition to the physical, the regular RNS.

Speaker 1
They could have that. These groups, Intermountain, Southwest, Kaiser, multibillion dollar corporations, they could pay for a 24 hours psych nurse telephone line so he wouldn’t wind up at the emergency room or some other place victim of suicide. But they don’t because mental health does not exist for these people. They talk about these institutions, talk about the rising rate of suicide, and isn’t that awful? But they won’t fund for it.

Speaker 1
They will not fund for it. They will instead give out some pity, some false pity and give some money to other groups, other agencies that are working on the problem, but they themselves don’t participate. And in the last few years, we’ve all seen how they want to really focus. They really want to throw everybody into two categories that of depression or anxiety. And if you’re not in that category, then good luck to you.

Speaker 1
I don’t want to dwell on my particular problem, although I’ll just say that it’s severe insomnia and nightmares and yeah, you hear about research, say, into PTSD and related, but it’s not really in my opinion. And I’ve been almost become a professional consultant on this subject since I so much want to get better. And I’ve tried everything. So I’ve become sort of an expert on what’s current, and I’ve done everything, including electroshock, or ECT as it’s politely called. Electroconvulsive therapy didn’t work for me, paid for all that out of pocket.

Speaker 1
Physical diseases, especially the physical diseases that happen to a lot of people, that Big Pharma has a market for. Those seem hopeful. As far as research getting spent, I know there’s some incurable, seemingly incurable problems like autism, and so there’s just major diseases, although autism goes to great deal of mental health fields, so it’s inherently not going to see the amount of research or funding to begin with. My friend has got all of these resources now available to him as far as end of life treatments and hospice, just like my parents had hospice and people willing to help stepping in. And there’s nothing for end of life, for mental health problems.

Speaker 1
My condition is not livable, and all I get in a response as far as end of life is that it can’t be that bad.

Speaker 1
And I sometimes say, yeah, you’re right, it’s not that bad. It’s a hell of a lot worse. You live with this, you live with this. But it’s a mental health problem that they can’t capture with a microscope or a thermometer going up or down, or blood pressure they can measure or blood they can sample. They just have to take the word of the patient, and our word doesn’t mean a damn thing.

Speaker 1
And I feel for people with mental health problems that are not as articulate or verbal as I am, that can’t express themselves or they express the hell they’re going through. They really have. That just I can’t imagine the misery funding needs to be addressed for my friend. There’s all sorts of patient advocates available for him. He’s actually had genetic engineering things done for him at Stanford Hospital.

Speaker 1
There’s been housing available for family and relatives nearby, just on and on and on. And I am glad that he’s had that care. It’s extended his life for many, many years. It’s just there is no equivalent in mental health for this. And it just devalue you.

Speaker 1
It devalues a person over and over and over again. You’re not worth it. And if you want something done, you got to pay for it yourself, because we can’t see it, so we don’t think it’s a problem. I’ll give you a simple example of how much I often have needed a patient advocate to deal with people just on the phone, for example. One of the things that really induces my nightmares is being a mean person and having to argue endlessly.

Speaker 1
And if anybody’s dealt with any customer support, any healthcare organization over the last many years, you’ll know that it is impossible sometimes to get across what you’re trying to say to a person that keeps falling back on a script will not transfer you to a supervisor about the websites and email addresses that they hand out that don’t work, telephone numbers they never call to make sure that they actually work. It just goes on and on. Well, that all forces me to get service, forces me to be a mean person with these people. And I don’t want to be a mean person. It’s toxic.

Speaker 1
It’s toxic to everybody, but especially in my condition. And I can’t tell them that that just engendering more and more nightmares. And it would be great if I had a patient advocate that would be able to speak for me and would be able to sit for hours and hours on a phone trying to get something arranged and it’s just not possible, not even with paying for it out of pocket. These people don’t exist. And it is very frustrating every step of the way you’re told that your condition doesn’t mean anything and it is indescribable as I try to make myself, as I try to make other people comfortable with me.

Speaker 1
You can’t mention, for example, that you have violent nightmares anymore. They’ll call the cops on you.

Speaker 1
People today are so scared by corporate media that they associate mental health with violence when in fact the mental health are far more likely to be victims of crimes than actually committing the crime. But corporate media doesn’t want to hear that. And it is the more and more I try to make other people comfortable around me, the less credibility I have, the more well spoken I am, the less people think there’s anything wrong. If I keep up appearances, then just what’s the problem? And I’ll try to say, well, how many times do you have to watch your mother or your best friend get chainsawed to death?

Speaker 1
Well, it’s not real. No, it actually feels real. And shock after shock and this has been going on since 1988 with me and it just breaks you down. I probably have less than 4 hours of sleep every night and tell you this is how these professionals, they just want a measurement. How many hours of sleep are you getting?

Speaker 1
And their limited thinking is insane. Well, four or 5 hours, it doesn’t matter. It’s the quality of sleep. It’s all broken up. I’m pacing around at 233 30 in the morning, waking up every other half hour.

Speaker 1
It’s the quality of sleep. But they can’t measure that. They have to rely on your word. And your word doesn’t count. Your word doesn’t mean a damn thing.

Speaker 1
Well, we’re sorry for you, but there’s no at this point I’ve tried literally everything, including, like I said, ECT. And that program when it first came out, using the Apple Watch, which is a dedicated Apple Watch and a dedicated iPhone that goes with it called nightwear. I’ve written a multi part review on YouTube about it that also failed.

Speaker 1
But in the end in the end, my friend has a ton of services he’s going to have measured, respectful, end of life experience, I guess you would call it. But no, I’m going to have to take care of things myself. And it’s tragic, but it’s consistent with the disregard that mental health gets in this country. I’m not sure it’s that much better anywhere else, and I don’t have any suggestions other than fund, but it’s all about money, and so I just don’t especially Intermountain. They’re an incredibly toxic group, incredibly damaging to mental health people.

Speaker 1
And you can read on my website,, what they did to me, how they treated me. I think a real fundamental problem in healthcare is how the line personnel, or the people responding to their Twitter and social accounts have no idea what duty of care means. We are patients first and then customers. This is not a typical industry where you have a customer. No, we’re patients first.

Speaker 1
When you extend the duty of care, if you have to explain what duty of care means to somebody picking up the phone, they need some real training or they need some days in the hospital tending to patients. Once you accept the duty of care, again, it’s just not my dad was a brilliant physician, brilliant doctor, and his colleagues were all well mannered, neat, professional, all of them caring. And they accepted the responsibility for a patient once they took them on. And once a system takes them on, like Inner Mountain or Kaiser or what have you, that duty of care is extended. That umbrella applies to everybody under their name.

Speaker 1
Well, that’s enough for now. I wish I could give you some hope, but there really isn’t any. Not at least for people with my condition. And I think that they would actually prefer a lot of us just to die off so they don’t have to deal with them. I think that’s what’s going on with a lot of the homeless, with mental health problems.

Speaker 1
It’s just get these people off the books and we can go back to treating people for just anxiety and depression and everybody else is on their own.

Speaker 1
But if you know more about the subject, let me know. But there’s no dignity in this, not for people with mental health.

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Repost: Hoping This Helps Someone Somewhere

No matter how difficult your situation is, I hope you find peace.


NightWare Review Part One (internal link)

NightWare Review – Part Two (internal link)

NightWare Review – Part Three (internal link)

NightWare Review – Part Four (internal link)

NightWare Review – Part Five – Final (internal link)

My first suicide attempt (internal link)

snowflakes Uncategorized video

Life Isn’t Fair. But . . ..

My four stands:

Legal dispute:

Bush v. CCC: (external link)

Writing dispute: The Worst Day of my Writing Career (internal link)

Medical treatment dispute: Intermountain Health Care (internal link)

Present dispute: This post.

Unedited transcript of the video above.

Hi, my name is Thomas Farley. Welcome to my website. If you’ve been following me for a while, thank you for that. I wanted to talk in person about I was recently told by a couple of people that I shouldn’t be so upset about a particular problem because life’s unfair. Everybody has it hard.

Essentially, my mental health was discounted. Once again, it’s not a big deal. And anyway, as I said, that the old saw about life being unfair. Well, certainly it is. And it’s also certainly true that everybody takes a stand sometimes in life to put their foot down, to protest, to act out against that unfairness.

In my case, there’s been four life events in my life, 64 years where I put my foot down, where I said, that’s it, I’m not going to be treated like this. One incident just happened recently. The other one was with Intermountain healthcare, which you can read about on my website. And the other two, I wanted to talk about early 20s friend and I were in the California Conservation Corps, a new state agency.

Well, there’s a lot of bad things happening, and we were trying to my friend and I, Bernie Bush, were trying to maybe unionize the camp, get the workers organized, and we were fired without any due process.

It was literally 30 minutes to get your stuff and leave. When we re entered the base because our facility was on National Guard property and we had to be led in by military police under escort to retrieve the rest of our things, there was no due process of whatsoever, even though our paychecks were written by the state. Well, that wasn’t right. And so Bernie and I, a couple of days after that, rode our bicycles because we didn’t make enough money back in the day to afford a car. We pedaled up to Santa Baria, about 40 miles south of San Luis Obispo, and contacted a group of poverty lawyers, poverty law firm, and they immediately accepted the case.

And seven years later, we prevailed in court and changed the law.

I’m not aware of any other core members, the thousands and thousands that went through in early days doing anything like that. Pardon me, but it wasn’t right. It wasn’t legal, and it wasn’t fair. But sometimes in everyone’s life, you say, that’s it, I can’t tolerate that situation, and we didn’t, and we prevailed. The next one was years later, back when I had to quit my book contract.

I had to be released from my book contract, where I spent 18 months traveling the entire Southwest to develop this manuscript for a book. Adventure Publications was the publisher, and I probably spent ten or $15,000 traveling. And there were two major changes that they did to the book contract without asking me first, even though they told me I was a valuable team member, being the writer, of course, the author, I guess, would be the valuable team member.

They changed the release date after I’d gotten the manuscript in beat deadline, beat word count, as I always do. They changed that without consulting me. They actually changed the entire orientation of the book month before but I let that go and this time I didn’t let it go and they had put, I’m sure, some money into developing the book but I demanded that they get out of that contract which I was released and I walked away from all that money. It was down the drain and a couple of other publishers looked at it but had to pass because of the high cost of bringing it, bringing it forward. So I think most people, especially first time authors, would have done almost anything to stay in the contract to see it get published.

Actually, the real reason I’ve seen my name in print plenty of times the real reason I wanted that book out was so I could dedicate the book to my parents. I really wanted that but my mother was a published author herself and she would have told me just to walk away from these guys just walk because you have to be consulted on the major issues especially when you’re cooperating fully with the editor. In that case too, the editor wasn’t the one that told me of either of these changes. I found out from other people, yes, life is unfair but at times you say enough is enough and that’s what happened in this recent incident, as I’ll call it. I’m not dwelling on the facts involved in that case.

I’m reacting now to this fairness question. We all Mark our ground at some point as far as the discounting of our mental health. Well, let’s leave that to another day because that’s that’s truly, truly just a background part of life but thank you for listening to this so far.

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The NYT, Ukraine, and The War

The New York Times still cannot condone war under any conditions, even with the complete justification that Ukraine has to defend itself.

“All across the United States, small groups of military veterans are gathering, planning and getting passports in order. Many are hungry for what they see as a fight to defend freedom against an autocratic aggressor with a conventional and target-rich army.”

What they see? What does the NYT see? The New York Times does not want to approve any kind of war under any kind of circumstance. Even when a country defends itself.

There’s a point at which one’s own moral preferences must end. Any predilection for non-violence must die when you start endangering the world by that belief.

“I don’t believe in killing.” Well, it’s not all about you, sister. There’s some other people involved.

You don’t reason or try to reform a rabid dog which is running down the street biting people. You take out a gun and shoot it.

Similarly, no tolerance can be shown for anyone who starts an unprovoked war which displaces millions, lays waste to cities, and kills still uncounted numbers of soldiers and civilians.

Jesus may hold to his beliefs and remain true. We can’t. We’re human and not a god. No matter what the NYT believes in their heart, for the good of the world, they need to clear their conscience and then help in hunting down that running dog.

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Non-Snowflake Women

Non-Snowflake Women

These are just a few women I have admired over the years for their relentless advocacy. When confronted they did not back down, change their tone, or change their views. They needed no cover. You took cover from them.

Today’s women leaders don’t hold the currency their predecessors had in the 1970s and 1980s. Too many women today get appointed or selected by men to corporate or University boards to diversify their workforce. Everyone now has to watch their words around them. It’s all so damned polite.

None of these talented and intelligent women were given their positions or responsibilities; they fought for them against intense personal attacks and within strongly male dominated groups and systems.

Hanan Daoud Mikhael Ashrawi. Longtime advocate and spokeswoman for the Palestinian cause and the PLO. If you are charged with defending Arafat, you are really, really good.

Indira Gandhi. Former Prime Minister of India.

Golda Meir. Former Prime Minister of Israel.

Bernadette Devlin McAliskey. Give Ireland back to the Irish.

Shirley Chisholm. Civil rights leader, politician, and a Women’s Movement Leader.

(Photo credit: Thomas J. Halloran, U.S. News & World Reports)

Bella Abzug. Lawyer and a leader in the Womens’ Movement.

Margret Thatcher. Former Prime Minister of Great Britain.

Gloria Steinem. Ever battling for the E.R.A.

Jane Goodall Primate researcher and conservationst

Jane Goodall at in-store appearance for Panel Discussion on Disneynature”s BEARS, The Apple Store Soho, New York, NY April 15, 2014. Photo By: Derek Storm
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My First Encounter With a Snowflake

My First Encounter With a Snowflake

“Snowflake is a 2010s derogatory slang term for a person, implying that they have an inflated sense of uniqueness, an unwarranted sense of entitlement, or are overly-emotional, easily offended, and unable to deal with opposing opinions.”

Today I had a fascinating and totally infuriating conversation with an otherwise intelligent woman who insisted that I talked to her in the way she wanted to be talked to, as if she ruled the world.

She kept repeating the phrase professionalism, that our discussion should be professional despite our disagreements. Her view of professionalism, of course. Mostly, she didn’t like my tone. Well, too bad.

This woman sounded like she sat on the board of some politically correct charity or perhaps a University committee where everyone waits for someone to say the wrong thing.

I don’t watch my words around someone I am paying a service for, I advocate for myself and relentlessly drive home any points I want to make. Damn the tone. In the immortal words of Damon Wayans, “Homey don’t play that game.”

Today, with this new breed we call snowflakes, we must retreat from our own personalities to match these overly sensitive types who can’t or don’t want to handle a disagreement, who dismiss our ideas and arguments by stating that they are delivered in the wrong way. Not professional. The wrong tone.

Have you ever listened to the Nixon White House Tapes? Those guys played rough, and nobody backed down or gave quarter when pushing for their programs or the favors they wanted. I’m sure that tone was and is the same with every presidential administration. And most corporations when they discuss taking over other companies, markets, or entire countries.

Nixon’s henchmen were profanity driven people which I do think is completely unprofessional. Generally, I never swear, especially not to a woman, and in my conversation with this snowflake I never used a single curse word. Yet she thought my tone threatening.

Learn to deal! I think this twit was so insulated, so pretentious, so utterly full of self-conceit, that she was shocked that someone would battle and argue over every word she said.

Listen, lady, this is the real world. Use your intelligence and your logic to make your points, don’t try to cower me into submitting to your politically correct world where everyone melts down before you because you feel threatened.

What she was really threatened by were my ideas. My tone was the blunt hammer she wanted to use to beat down those ideas.

At one point she actually accused me of putting her in fear for her safety. I was a threat. “Prove it,” I said. I have never been arrested, have no criminal record, and my last speeding ticket was twenty years ago. I have never hit or harmed anyone. She wasn’t interested in that, instead, she “felt” that I was a threat.

If someone can’t tell the difference between a real threat and an imagined one then they are delusional and living afraid in a world of fears they have built in their own mind.

A figure of speech is now taken literally when ten years ago it was taken, properly, as figurative. But today the politically correct crowd seizes on anything that might offend, so they can shame someone into silence. You’re not shutting me up, in fact, I’m going to raise my voice. Some more.

As a writer, I endlessly advocate for free speech, no matter how it is delivered. You may not agree with Wayne LaPierre, Louis Farrakhan, or Gerry Adams, but all are brilliant orators who state their positions well. Even if they “threaten” the establishment.

Talking to this woman was so depressing; I think she and her sheltered kind are setting back the women’s movement fifty years. Bella Abzug, Betty Friedan, and Gloria Steinem (internal link) would not have asked me to back down, they would have fought me at every step for what they thought was right. They would have come after me. In a literal sense, of course, as any sane person would understand that phrase.

“Polite women seldom make history.” Indeed. Fight for what’s important. Forget about tone, civility, and professionalism when none is being shown to you.

Respectfully, in the best sense of the prhase, those three women were tough old broads. Fighters, advocates, driven. Not sheltered, but bashing it out in the real world of real threats. These women wouldn’t turn into snowflakes if they had snow. Instead, they’d make a snowball with a rock in it and then throw at you. They never worried about getting their feelings hurt, they got on with their struggles and their missions despite fierce and often personal criticism. That’s how you stand up. And not melt down like a snowflake.

Bernadette Devlin holding her own with William F. Buckley Jr. while smoking a cigarette. Devlin was not a snowflake.