Fighting Wordiness

I once revised copy for a painter’s home page. The original text was only 250 words or so.

These changes were the most important. It’s not just about reducing word count but making text more direct and impactful.

Fighting wordiness never ends, even with short copy.

TG Painting will make sure it does!
TG Painting makes sure it does!

Our courteous and approachable painters are instructed to reduce workplace disturbance so your warehouse stays
Our courteous and approachable painters reduce workplace disturbances so your warehouse stays

don’t take rules of safety lightly.
don’t take safety rules lightly

The industrial coating systems last longer
Industrial coating systems last longer

Some of the signs which show that your warehouse could use a new coat of paint include:
Some signs which show your warehouse could use new paint include:

The proper maintenance of your warehouse reflects the way you manage your business and elicits confidence and trust in your clients.
Properly maintaining your warehouse reflects well on your business practices, gaining a client’s confidence and trust.

About thomasfarley01

Freelance writer specializing in outdoor subjects, particularly rocks, gems and minerals.
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2 Responses to Fighting Wordiness

  1. Oh yeah, it’s pretty satisfying to prune sentences down to their most effective lengths. I don’t really like the editing process, but moments like these really do feel fun, like popping a zit.

    • There is a place for verbosity and long sentences but only in fiction and only for the best writers. Melville penned sentences hundreds of words long yet they pull you in like the whirlpool that devoured Ahab and the Pequod. I wish I knew how to bring color into business writing but the best I can do is deliver a high quality black and white print.

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