Woke up after only an hour and a half or so, typical for my chronic insomnia. Worse, I had another stress dream. People don’t understand them. They can understand, a little, about my violent nightmares because I am killing someone or someone is killing me. Blood and gore.
Anxiety? Who cares?
Unfortunately, the voice memo on TWO of my machines was having the exact same problem. What are the odds of that? It might take hours to diagnose this hardware/software problem and I wanted to get this recording done. More stress. Trust me, though, the real stress is in these damned dreams.
I often lead a blessed life during the day but getting through the night can be insufferable. Decades of this nonsense. It is _so_ uncomfortable and often poisons much of the following day. One needs sleep. And if you interrupt a person’s sleep eventually they crack up. Intelligence services use sleep interruption to torture and break people. It works.
ROUGHLY EDITED TRANSCRIPT
Testing, one, two, three, four. Testing, one, two, three, four. I’m really upset at the voice memo recorder. It’s not functioning the way it should. Anyway, I wanted to relay a stress stream that just happened. People ask, what are stress dreams? These dreams are full of anxiety. People dismiss them because, of course, it’s just anxiety. So why would you be upset? You say? It’s nothing. IT doesn’t look like. I’m recording, OK, now we’re back.
Here and now we’re coming back again. Let me see if this is working at all, OK? The stupid thing is fading in and out. But anyway, here’s the situation. In my dream, someone’s banging on my window, I’m trying to deal with that, I’m yelling at them saying I’m coming outside, I’m coming outside, I come outside. The neighbors have blocked off a truck from leaving and there’s at least two people that they’ve detained and waiting for 911 to respond but apparently 911 has changed its number.
What has changed is, no, it’s some sort of consumer fraud number that you call and you wait and you wait and you wait. And these people, I sense that they’re criminal and they are spending some sort of stuff and nonsense. But anyway, so we’ve got to detain these idiots and waiting endlessly for the police to come. Meanwhile, one of them insist on coming into my house to use the bathroom, which I allow. But then when they get in the bathroom, this person is rustling around with stuff and . . .
The person comes out with what looks like a wire hanger that . . . The voice recorder is dying here, I’m just so upset. Anyway, anyway. This is the voice memo recorder. I don’t have the time to diagnose this stupid voice recorder memo when I want to get this out anyway, he’s got this wire, we’re wrestling with him. And my brother comes down from the stairs and he discounts the whole need to do anything.
So I’m arguing with him while we’re trying to wrestle with this stupid guy and it just goes on endlessly. That’s part of the stress of this part of the anxiety dream is it goes on stupidly forever and it has no conclusion. There’s no resolution. It’s just anxiety that continues and continues and continues. And then, you know, with luck, you wake up, wake. That’s a stupid voice recorder continues, I do not need this, I’m I’m waiting for the voice recorder to come back, I do not want this.
I don’t have time to diagnose this voice recorder thing, I want to get this recorder thing out. Because otherwise, if you don’t record it, then people think it doesn’t exist because it’s just anxiety. What’s your problem? Anyway, I’m going to see if this was recorded at all.