Here’s my rockhounding site: https://southwestrockhounding.com
I’m Still Here
I’m still settling into my new home town of Pahrump, still rockhounding, still going to new places. I have fairly decent broadband so my contract writing and editing can go on. Speaking of that, you should instantly see what needs revising here in this opening paragraph:
Original:
“Brain damage” is a broad term that refers to various injuries to the brain. Sometimes, the injury can be mild and goes away on its own. But very often, a head injury can lead to more severe, long-lasting, or extensive damage, requiring costly treatments.
Revised:
“Brain damage” broadly refers to various brain injuries. A mild injury may go away on its own. Many injuries, though, are more severe or long-lasting, requiring costly treatments.
Yes, the original paragraph is friendlier and more conversational. We need to get the reader to the next paragraph, however, and quickly. We want them immediately into the post or article to continue reading. Before they move off. Later, the article can transistion to a friendlier style.
Everybody differs on how to write and edit but an economy of words is rarely argued against.
