I’m feeling like returning to writing. The last bout of violent nightmares has passed and the remaining dreams, depressing and distressing though they may be, are tolerable.
Previously, before I halted my psychoactive medicine and my sleep medications, my nightmares and dreams were utterly incomprehensible. They were as surreal and inscrutable as any painting made by Dali. They bore no relation to any current event I was dealing with, nor any past occurrence. That has changed markedly.
My dreams now relate to things that have gone on the day before. I consider these more normal dreams, the kind most people get, although mine are always bent toward evil or anxiety. I might, for example, have loaned my truck out the day before to a friend. That night I will then have a dream about the truck being stolen, the contents looted, the truck never recovered. Or I may have a dream that, if I think about it, mirrors the imagery I just saw on a television show.
This is a dramatic change, from the violent to the merely stressful, from the confused to the relatable. I don’t know what this turn of events means. But, in a related event, my insurance carrier is providing a sleep study for me which I will soon schedule. Sleep studies focus squarely on the physical reasons for poor sleep and the last one I had found nothing wrong with me. Nothing physical, although they did say I never got into REM sleep, which is perhaps understandable given the clinical nature of the sleep facility. In any case, I look forward to exploring a possibly positive avenue.
On the downside, I have just been diagnosed with skin cancer. A minor form. One doctor says it’s a small price to pay for being outdoors. I’ll have to be cut on, right below one eye. I’ve put off the operation until into January but I hope to heal well enough to be ready for Quartzsite come the middle of that month. I’ve continued to read throughout the last black month and I feel better now about putting what I’ve learned into writing. I thank those who have expressed concern. One day at a time.
