Become a Dentist — A Way to Make Your Natural Tendencies Pay

I have a long history of major dental problems, made worse by the fact that conventional dentistry never gets me out of pain. General anesthesia is the only method that works for me. In yesterday’s operation, it was determined that an existing bridge could bot be redone and that because of that I needed two implants.

The implant base can be installed in a few hours but it takes four to eighteen months for the base to root into the jaw. The replacement teeth are screwed in much later, after the implant has successfully taken hold. For at least six months I will be eating on the left side of my mouth, praying constantly that the work will root in.

I will not be productive this weekend, indeed, exercise and driving should be limited for several days, as all the drugs and the medicines I received work their way through my system. I am now on antibiotics to guard against infection. And eight hours after the operation i am wobbly on my feet. Given my history, I expect to be back for another major surgery in ten years. The implants probably won’t fail, but all dentist work, like bridges, have only a limited life.

Thank you, Dave, for helping.

Caution: the video below is not for the squeamish:

Dentist Song

From the movie “Little Shop Of Horrors” (1982)
(Alan Menken / Howard Ashman)
Steve Martin

When I was young and just a bad little kid,
My momma noticed funny things I did.
Like shootin’ puppies with a BB-Gun.
I’d poison guppies, and when I was done,
I’d find a pussy-cat and bash in it’s head.
That’s when my momma said…
(What did she say?)
She said my boy I think someday
You’ll find a way
To make your natural tendencies pay…

You’ll be a dentist.
You have a talent for causing things pain!
Son, be a dentist.
People will pay you to be inhumane!

You’re temperment’s wrong for the priesthood,
And teaching would suit you still less.
Son, be a dentist.
You’ll be a success.

“Here he is folks, the leader of the plaque.”
“Watch him suck up that gas. Oh My God!”
“He’s a dentist and he’ll never ever be any good.”
“Who wants their teeth done by the Marqui DeSade?”

“Oh, that hurts! Wait! I’m not numb!”
“Eh, Shut Up! Open Wide! Here I Come!”

I am your dentist.
And I enjoy the career that I picked.
I’m your dentist.
And I get off on the pain I inflict!

When I start extracting those mollars
Girls, you’ll be screaming like holy rollers

And though it may cause my patients distress.
Somewhere…Somewhere in heaven above me…
I know…I know that my momma’s proud of me.
“Oh, Momma…”

‘Cause I’m a dentist…
And a success!

“Say ahh…”
“Say AHhhh…”
“Say AAARRRHHHH!!!”
“Now Spit!”

About thomasfarley01

Freelance writer who specializes in history, technology, and human interest stories.
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