More Revising Examples

Before and after. The original sentences are just fine, partly making up an entertaining review of a colorful Mojave Desert town. No criticism intended. But these revisions should come to mind immediately on first read. Tighten, tighten, tighten.

Many of the Gene Autry television productions were shot at the site.

Many Gene Autry television productions were shot at the site.

Other notable television shows that were filmed here were the Cisco Kid and Judge Roy Bean.

Other notable television shows filmed here were the Cisco Kid and Judge Roy Bean.

Some of the original investors in the town were Roy Rogers, who also built the Pioneer Bowl . . . .

Some original investors in the town were Roy Rogers, who also built the Pioneer Bowl . . . .

After the filming boom of Pioneertown slowed down many of the buildings were sold . . . .

After the filming boom of Pioneertown slowed down many buildings were sold . . . .

Its post office is reported to have the distinction . . . .

Its post office reportedly has the distinction . . . .

Roy Rogers himself rolled out the first ball at the Pioneer Bowl in 1949 . . . .

Roy Rogers rolled out the first ball at the Pioneer Bowl in 1949 . . . .

There are many places to stay the night but two of them really stand out.

There are many places to stay the night but two really stand out.

About thomasfarley01

Freelance writer who specializes in history, technology, and human interest stories.
This entry was posted in Thoughts on writing, Uncategorized, Writing by others, Writing tips and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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