In my work I edit the writing of several people. I respect their efforts and acknowledge that they work under deadline pressure. In a similar vein, I find it amazing how good most daily newspaper writers are, considering they have little time to endlessly revise.
I, too, am under pressure to turn around work as quickly as possible. What’s below is what I originally received, then my edits in italics. Copy must move. First drafts are commonly slow paced, it is in revising that writing must be tightened and speeded up. Can my writing be improved? Certainly. It’s just a matter of time.
Before:
In claiming the compensation you need and deserve, you shouldn’t have to go it alone. Many accident victims make the mistake of settling directly with insurance adjusters, not realizing that the main priority of insurers is their own company’s profits. As a result, injured individuals often end up with much less than they deserve.
After:
You shouldn’t have to go it alone when claiming the compensation you need and deserve. Many accident victims mistakenly settle directly with insurance adjusters, not realizing that the main priority of insurers is their own company’s profits. As a result, injured individuals often receive much less than they deserve.
Before:
It is best for you to have the guidance and representation of an attorney who is not only competent but also sincere in his service for the injured. In Davis and the rest of Yolo County, Attorney John Chilbes is highly trusted by injured individuals and their families. He is knowledgeable in how insurance companies really work, and is skillfully aggressive in negotiating with them. He is also proven successful in injury cases that go to trial.
After:
You should have the guidance and representation of an attorney who is competent and sincere in serving the injured. In Davis and the rest of Yolo County, injured individuals and their families highly trust attorney John Chilbes. He knows how insurance companies work, and is skillful and aggressive in negotiating with them. In injury cases that go to court, he is a proven, successful trial attorney.
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For over 30 years, he has sincerely committed his knowledge, skills, and fearlessness to fight for Californians who have been injured. Now, these people thank him for obtaining for them their rightful compensation and enabling them to get back on track with their lives.
After:
For over 30 years, he has faithfully committed his knowledge, skills, and fearlessness to fight for injured Californians. Today, these people thank him for obtaining the rightful compensation they needed to get back on track with their lives.
Before:
Mr. Chilbes is effective in handling injury cases like car crashes, truck wrecks, bike or motorcycle accidents, defective products, medical malpractice, nursing home neglect, sexual abuse, disability denial, and more.
After:
Mr. Chilbes effectively handles injury cases like car crashes, truck wrecks, bike or motorcycle accidents, defective products, medical malpractice, nursing home neglect, sexual abuse, disability denial, and more.
