Eliminating Parentheses. Or, Maybe Not.

I think parentheses look strange and make a sentence choppy. Also, once a writer starts using parentheses, they tend to use them more and more, for reasons I can’t explain. Like semi-colons, once used, they proliferate.

The original paragraph reads well, save for the second sentence. But, in my aversion to parentheses, I’ve rewritten it. And although I have broken up a forty-seven word sentence, I have added to the overall sentence count. That bothers me.

The first bio reads like a list, the second is more story like.

What’s desired? 77 or 89 words? To confuse the matter, this bio must match or be similar to two other bios for this firm. Rewrite one, rewrite them all.

Is there really a best in editing? Or just different choices?

Original

Attorney John Smith has been with Robert Brown Law since 2004. In the 14 years and running that he has worked in the firm, he has handled a wide range of legal issues. These include criminal law (municipal, state, and federal charges), commercial litigation, elder law, family law (divorce, child custody, child support, adoption), employees’ rights and workers’ compensation, nursing home abuse, personal injury, products liability, real estate, Social Security Disability, estate planning, and general civil litigation.

Edited

Attorney John Smith has been with Robert Brown Law since 2004. In those 14 years he has dealt with a wide range of legal issues and cases. These include criminal law, handling municipal, state, and federal charges, and family law, managing divorce, child custody, child support, and adoption matters. He’s also handled commercial litigation, products liability, real estate, employees’ rights, and workers’ compensation cases.  In addition, elder law, nursing home abuse, personal injury, Social Security Disability, estate planning, and general civil litigation mark the breadth of this well-rounded practitioner.

 

About thomasfarley01

Freelance writer who specializes in history, technology, and human interest stories.
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